Mothering Mother Earth
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I often wonder what they will think of us. Will they (the mothers of tomorrow) be happy with our legacy? Will they be as inspired by us as we are by the many women and mothers who fought for – and still fight for, depending on where you live – our equality?
While the severity of inequality for women and mothers is, perhaps in our eyes, extreme in other parts of the world, a mothering issue of our own is happening right here in the west. We represent the largest consumer base on the planet, and it appears we are ignoring our responsibility for the imminent danger facing us and our quality of life.
North Americans are followed in second place by Europe in terms of global consumption rates. And there’s quite a gap between the two continents, given that the rate of consumption for North America is double that of Europe. That’s right! We are the leading cause of global warming by these estimates. It’s a startling fact and many of us, who were knee-deep in denial, are now coming to terms with it.
We all need to just “mother” the earth by saying “NO” to big corporations with no social conscience and politicians who don’t have a strong platform for mothering the earth. And we can do that with our votes and our spending and with a commitment to getting educated and challenging everyone you know to do the same. As a mother, I’m realizing more and more that this is non-negotiable. This is why I’ve taken up the cause of “mothering Earth.”
It’s not easy by any stretch, as the conveniences we have all taken for granted are actually addictive. In the west we get from point A to point B in almost everything we do with the flick of switch. If we don’t like it, we dump it. I am not without fault. I still drive a gas guzzling minivan, for example. However, as a family, we have started strategizing ways we can make the changes required to be a ZERO footprint family. That should be everyone’s goal.
TIPS for moms who strive to make the family a ZERO FOOTPRINT family and are just starting out:
BUY LESS: The reality is when you buy less, you can budget to get the healthier and sometimes pricier products, like toys and plastics that are not full of toxins.
BUY USED: Buying recycled clothing is easier on the Earth and the pocketbook. Some clothing is treated with harmful toxins (formaldehyde being one) that are linked to serious illness like cancer, for example. Second-hand clothes that have been washed numerous times are better. Having said that, check the chemicals in your detergent and consider switching to a more eco-friendly detergent.
ORGANIZE SWAPS IN YOUR COMMUNITY: Whether it’s books, kids’ clothes, toys, or other items you don’t need, why not have a semi-annual swap at your local community center? It’s a great way to foster community spirit and save money.
PLAN YOUR NEXT VEHICLE FAST: Tree-hugging is not just for the left anymore. We all know that the mainstream is beginning to get it. So let’s just expedite the inevitable so we can move forward with sustainability. Explore hybrid options and if you don’t drive a lot, look into car share organizations.
WORK FROM HOME: This one is a great one for moms and many “mompreneurs” do this already. Save time, money, and resources by doing what you do where you live. Don’t travel to and from to perform tasks that could easily be done from your home.
SUSTAINABLE ENERGY PLANS: Many homeowners are making changes to their homes to create more energy-efficient households including such things as switching to more sustainable forms of energy (solar panels are one example) and using energy-efficient appliances and light bulbs.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Andrea’s Top 5 Mommy Resolutions for 2008
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Be more patient.
Let’s face it. Our lives are rushed. Usually while in the pursuit of money or distractions. Sometimes we don’t even notice we are on a treadmill. As I start 2008, I resolve to be more patient with myself. Yes, I run a business, and I’m a mom and I do both with very little family support. So, I have to stop being hard on myself if I drop the ball once in a while. I believe if we are more patient with ourselves, we can be more patient with others.
Mother the mother.
Allow other people to do things for you. If that person does not exist, make 2008 the year you dump the guilt that surfaces when you lie in bed with a cup of tea and a book. Moms need this break; otherwise, they are overstretched and often resentful without even knowing it.
Be a bit more old-fashioned. It’s HIP.
With all due respect to working moms who put in long hours (and I’m one of them), it saddens me to think of the limited time my mother-in-law spent with her children when they were young because she had no choice but to work. We can’t get that time back. This year I am going to spend more time with my kids.
Slow down.
This is so hard since it seems like there is not enough time in the day to do everything we want to do. A logical place to start is by simply doing less. Simple living is good for you and we are an overcommitted culture. Being in this state has us overlooking the small things that matter most.
Celebrate life like a child.
So often we find ourselves saying to our kids, “Don’t do this, don’t do that, quiet down, settle down.” While I think children need to learn self-discipline, we, the adults (especially the overburdened Mommy Managers), need to let loose more often. Go ahead and make a mess or jump around to loud music with your kids. See if you can do it without smiling. I bet you can’t!
Recommended reading for new and expecting Moms:
Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives by Deepak Chopra
Cheers,
Andrea Page
“Motherhood Inspires Greatness” Mom Profile
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“Motherhood Inspires Greatness” is the phrase I coined to describe the essence of what drove me to change my life when I gave birth to my first son as a single mom (an entry I will save until later).
Women always ask me what type of mothers I have met who inspired me. Victoria Nolan is one of these women. She was diagnosed at 18 years old with Retinitis Pigmentosa, and at that point had about 5 per cent of her vision left. Growing up, she didn’t like sports because they were quite challenging. She was also unaware of her vision challenges and that they were likely affecting her.
As a legally blind mother of two children, anyone would be impressed by her determination to live a full life with kids in tow. I first met her at a FITMOM class that she attended by taking public transportation with her baby. Her limitations were few and far between and she was, and still is, constantly pushing the envelope. She had her second baby a couple of years later, and her vision continued to worsen.
At her job, as a teacher, she works with children with learning disadvantages. All of her students are so blessed to be taught by someone who faces and overcomes challenges daily. As a leader, she continually gives back and is easily one of the most impressive women I have met. It is a true blessing to be around great people like Victoria who inspire us all to be and give our best to ourselves and the world around us.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Toxic Santa
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Many of you may be offended when I tell you I have been bitten by the BAH HUM BUG attitude. The reality is I’ve grown to despise the commercialism that Santa represents. I certainly am no angel in this department and have been guilty of giving mounds of gifts.
I have always considered myself to be emotionally connected to world issues and aware of my privilege (by global standards). I was raised by a single mom on welfare and then became a carbon copy of my mom eight years ago. Since then, I’ve managed to break the cycle and turn my life around.
My partner, who was raised in a different culture, has never really fancied this idea of Santa. In fact, he has been down right opposed to it from the beginning, but went along with me, reluctantly. My oldest son’s sense of entitlement has really been an eye opener. We have certainly not indulged our kids by any means, but the fact is there is something disconcerting about trying to raise children in an overindulged culture.
In my opinion, Santa has become a symbol of our greed; we feel like we must be rewarded for our hard work, while people in other parts of the world work just as hard (if not harder) for next to nothing. And heck – don’t our children deserve to be pampered? But what about all the things they receive during the rest of the year, like birthday parties and gifts, play dates and free education? Don’t they count as well?
What finally sealed the deal for me and my new attitude was a discussion I had with a close friend of mine last year at a dinner party. My friend, whom I love dearly, defended her position on Santa by saying she worked hard for all the things she had (she just sold her company for $12 million) and deserved to indulge.
Now don’t get me wrong. My friend is a very generous person and I, too, have said the same thing in the past. But this time, it was different. Listening to my friend, I heard my own argument for the first time and realized it had little merit. Materialism is an addiction that we need to get a hold of. In the absence of materialism, many of us could be much richer. We just don’t even know it.
I’m heading to Los Angeles for the first time in eight years and will see my sister for the first time in 12 years. My first stop will be the ECO gift fair where I hope to stock up on my stainless steel water bottles and non-toxic kid stuff. I will no doubt walk down Melrose to see the sights, but containing my inner consumer won’t be much of a struggle.
My heart just isn’t in it this year and this has been a long time coming. I feel torn between the me that once was (an “I” focused North American) and the me I want to become. While I am a work in progress, I feel as if I’m not the only one coming to terms with this reality and thinking it is out of control. I really knew things were changing when even the material girl – yes, that’s right, Madonna herself – was boycotting gifts this year. What could Lourdes possibly need anyway?
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Fear of Childbirth
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As a mom who has had one medicated birth followed by two natural births, I have always been amazed how fear is a leading factor in a woman’s ability to manage the birth experience.
I work with hundreds of women yearly, and incorporated into each “Fitmom 2 Be” fitness class is education on preparing for labor and delivery. Most responses are fear-based in nature, and I have found that most women consider preparing for childbirth an exercise in learning about all the drugs available to them. I try not to be extreme in my position on childbirth and most often use my own story as a learning tool.
The fact is that my first time around, I had thought about a drug-free delivery. But nothing I learned in my hospital-based childbirth education classes (12 hours in total, which is considered long) prepared me for labor. I arrived at the hospital completely unprepared and terrified. I was more than happy to hand my body over to the medical experts and participate in my birth experience as little as possible. A phrase I often hear when people talk of women who want to choose natural childbirth is, “Why be a hero?” That comment really gets under my skin. Is it implying that you are less than a hero if you do use drugs?
Here’s my opinion: as North American women, we are privileged to have access to emergency interventions, but often they are used in non-emergency cases. Such interventions can speed up the process and make things easier, but there are still side effects and risks associated with some interventions. The fact is that most women are so vulnerable and disempowered during childbirth that they are rarely making informed choices and are usually quite scared. Here are some questions I suggest women ask themselves to prepare for labor and delivery:
• What are your internalized messages about childbirth? Are they mostly positive or negative? Most women when asked are really blown away by the fact that most images they have of childbirth are media-driven images of women screaming out of control in stirrups.
• How many births has your birth partner or husband attended?
• Do you think partners can be prepared to be effective birth partners in less than six weeks (the usual length of childbirth education classes offered at hospitals)? Or would it be useful to have someone there who is trained in specific labor and delivery support techniques, like a doula or even a friend who has children?
• Are you aware of the birth practices at the hospital where you plan to give birth?
• Have you thought of confronting your fears surrounding childbirth and committing yourself to feeling very comfortable and fully educated?
If you are interested in planning for childbirth, I strongly recommend the book The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer. Unlike many books that tell you what to expect when you’re expecting by pouring over outcomes, The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth focuses on “intervention prevention” by empowering women with knowledge regarding the natural changes and processes their bodies undergo during childbirth. It’s knowledge we are all meant to have and should have in order to be fully prepared for childbirth. Check out our labor and birth coach e-book at www.newmom101.com
Happy Birthing!
Andrea
Postpartum Depression and Community
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I am passionate about writing and speaking about postpartum depression, and I believe the underbelly of this issue is still not widely acknowledged. In my opinion, this underbelly is predominantly lack of community and support. I am happy to share insight based on my own experiences with this issue. During the holiday season, the pressure and expectations may distract us even more from the things that truly matter. I hope everyone gets the gift of slowing down and reflecting on what is really important.
Motherhood Inspiring Initiative: Lack of Community Can Be Life-Threatening
by Andrea PageIn the paper this week was yet another sad tale of a mother who lost her will to keep struggling; she attempted to kill herself and successfully drowned her children (2 years and 2 months). I know many of you may have the reaction: “I can’t hear any more!” Some may be consumed by the thought of the pain her children or even she went through, and lose sleep tonight. As most of you know I keep my heart wide open when I hear these stories. Yes, I do lose sleep and feel angry and frustrated. I waiver between anger towards the mother and the world around her who missed the events that led up to this moment. Who do we blame? Who do we hold accountable? I think many people know that she needed more support, but ultimately we generally go back to the personal responsibility philosophy of “she made her choices.” Who is really doing the choosing for this woman, and when is this choice truly happening? Let me explain.
About three months ago, when I was struggling with a colicky baby and work, I felt nervous that I could be heading for depression yet again. Knowing my history, I did some stuff:
I tried my hardest to nap during the day (sleep deprivation linked to postpartum depression… go figure).
I looked at my rushed postpartum diet, tried to change it and made sure I was taking my essential fatty acids.
Of course I was exercising.
I also picked up a book I have read numerous times, called Deadly Depression. It is about postpartum depression.
Leni, my children’s caregiver and my great friend, had seen the book lying around and one day she asked me about it. So I explained the book and more about my own experiences with postpartum depression. She was baffled. She said to me that she has heard of this but never in the Philippines, where she is from. I suggested that maybe people just don’t talk about it there. She said no way. In the Philippines when you have a baby, rich or poor, your community rallies around you. You don’t get out of bed for 30 days. People take care of you, and like in the old African proverb, the village raises the child. This is not to say that there are not problems or struggles. But what Leni stood firm on was that when a woman became a mother, she was not alone – no matter what.
So what I think when I read these stories and think of my own, is how we as North Americans have chosen a life of aloneness, which does us a great disservice. We are intolerant of one another; need more and more space; find it harder to live together; need bigger houses. We try to acknowledge our privilege. Sometimes I question whether having a big house hundreds of miles away from our family is privilege. In the pursuit of more, we seem to have less of what matters. It is a vicious cycle for the “have nots” who are driven to madness by messages of “Get more! Have more and then be happy!” while they are often in the midst of losing everything really important.
Regardless, motherhood should not be a solo journey. We all know how challenging it can be, even with all of our so-called ducks in a row. This week ask yourself and the women around you to try even harder to work together to build a community of love and support – not just for each other but even for mothers they don’t know. Ask them to consider and honor the work they put into mothering and caring for themselves. Ponder together what it would be like without any money for food, no partner or friend to pass the baby off to. Imagine a baby that never stops crying, an eviction notice, no diapers and no way out.
Encourage yourself and other women to redefine community daily. Make your grouping of mothers about honesty, about our humanness… instead of a “whose baby is doing what” session. Encourage reaching out to another mom who’s struggling and maybe even, some might say, “doing things wrong”. Offer a helping hand instead of standing in silent judgment.
Like any issue that has us step out of our protective bubble, this is sensitive stuff. I thank you for reading, sharing and trying. Feel free to use my story or share other stories, including your own, to open up lines of communication. A final thought keeps standing out: In the pursuit of more we have less of what matters.
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How Can You Help Create Community?
Share. Your story or someone else’s (with permission) can help a lot. Also share your things. We often hold on to things, thinking we might need them. If you are not using it, give it away to someone who needs it now. When you need it again it WILL come back to you – someway, somehow.
Observe. Be aware of yourself and others. Ask for help or offer it.
Reach out. Same as above, but be specific. Do you know a single mom? Do you have a friend who may need help? Offer to babysit or cook a meal for a mommy friend.
Mentor. We often think we have nothing to offer. There are many groups in the city that support moms in need.
Congregate on important issues. Put your mommy group into action. While you enjoy your weekly coffee, find a collective way to inspire community beyond the limitations of those lucky enough to be in your group. Volunteer together, do monthly food drives, sponsor a family. The list goes on.
Simplify your life and prioritize activities that are purpose-driven. This one is often the most difficult because we can justify almost anything. Create a mission statement that defines your life ideals. Then you can evaluate which practices support this mission and which do not. In the spirit of community we realize we have so much to offer when we stop filling our days with the unnecessary stuff.
Postpartum depression resources
In the U.S. and Canada, call toll-free: 1-866-363-MOOD (6663)
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Ban Toxins, Baby!
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About nine years ago, I started my company FITMOM with the desire to enhance the wellness of mothers and babies. On Tuesday November 20, I gathered with women and their children and other concerned individuals to do just that. I emceed an event to raise awareness of the dangers of bisphenol A in plastics, especially baby bottles. Laws banning the substance are currently in place in San Francisco and Japan, as there is compelling evidence supporting the risks associated with the substance.
Bisphenol A has been linked to a number of health conditions, such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, and behavioral and developmental disorders – to name but a few. Interestingly, my invitation to emcee this event came on the heels of a heated debate with a well-known bottle company that refuses to remove bisphenol A from their products, citing opposing research.
At the meeting, I was pleased to hear the legislative representative for my area state that the burden of proof (the evidence required to support or prove a case) should be minimal in cases where children are involved. We as a society have a great responsibility to determine what is and is not safe for our children to use and consume. Yet, governments everywhere continue to drag their heels on the issue of banning bisphenol A. It appears industry bottom lines continue to be put ahead of the health and wellness of the most vulnerable members of society.
I am proud of the community initiatives undertaken recently to ban bisphenol A and other toxins; I urge you to help keep the issue alive by asking questions and researching products before they are purchased. Please do not assume when you purchase a product that it is safe because, as we’ve seen with the various toy recalls recently, many are not. It is important for us all to get involved and stay involved in order to bring about change and ensure the health and safety of future generations. This matters now more than ever.
With that said, I consider my own personal attempts to clean up our home a work in progress. Like many of you, I have lived in denial about the many toxins that surround my family on a daily basis. I now realize that my complacency made me negligent. But not anymore! I’m on a mission to remove all toxic items from my home and I want you to jump on the “ban” wagon.
For more information on toxins you may be exposed to, go to www.ourstolenfuture.com or www.toxicnation.ca.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Celebrity Moms Making a Difference
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It seems our culture can’t avoid obsessing about celebrities, especially when they are falling to pieces. I wonder about our need to analyze, judge and criticize every action of public figures. Even Angelina Jolie, for all the good she tries to do, is subject to regular scrutiny. While it may be fun to criticize and condemn the Britney Spears of the world, I believe those reactions are attempts to avoid looking inwards at our own challenges and inadequacies and avoid improving ourselves. I thought it might be novel for just a minute to look at the considerable contributions of my favorite celeb mom without over-analyzing them, and to take stock of the good being done by people with celebrity status.
Angelina Jolie, acknowledged by the UN for work in many struggling areas of the world, is a self-admitted work in progress. She is not only a mom to recently born baby Shiloh but has completed three international adoptions. I have heard a great deal of criticism of celebs adopting children with the view that a high profile contribution would have been better spent on rehabilitating impoverished and at risk areas. They argue that the biological parents of these children can and would care for them - when the problems in their communities are solved. While I agree this is the ideal solution, many children are suffering now. The amount of time required to “turn things around” means that many children will simply be forgotten. Angelina Jolie has dramatically changed the life of three children who were not born to her. She made this choice because she could and she cared enough to do so. While some people say all actions of celebs is promotional, I say, “Who cares?” If doing good in the world gains her a few fans and her movies make more money, then so be it.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Myths of Motherhood
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At my FITMOM classes, I provide a handout to all moms that focuses on the myths of motherhood. Most moms get a good laugh out of these including, “Having a child brings a couple closer together”, or “Breastfeeding is easy.” One that isn’t a laughing matter to me right now is “parenting gets easier.”
My oldest son is 8 years old and I can attest to the fact that nothing is easy about parenting him. In fact, it’s downright complicated. Perhaps some people have “easy” children or perhaps I’m just not a natural, but I have found with each of my children that parenting gets harder as they get older. My husband and I have signed up for a parenting course. Because I’m ever the skeptic, I’m preparing a list of questions, such as “How do you know YOUR methods work with every child?” and “How do our parenting techniques speak to the cultural differences between me and my partner?”
I feel the “THEYS” of the world (you know, the so-called experts we refer to in the general “they” term) all claim their way is best. To be honest, I can’t stand it. Parenting is more complicated than ever before, and in my opinion, children seem to be going off the rails at an unprecedented rate. In fact, much of my research shows that boys in particular are falling behind in performance due to a variety of reasons.
North American children today have a stronger sense of justice. While in theory this is good, I wonder how this will impact children down the road. I believe that in our desire to empower children, particularly in the school setting, we often end up sending them mixed messages about when they should stand up for themselves versus when they need to respect authority. In my family, we are focusing on getting back to basics, such as teaching our children not to overindulge, to respect everyone (especially your elders), and to understand that we are the parents and decision-makers, not them.
Some of you may have seen the YouTube clip of the woman who created a two-minute song out of all the phrases moms use in a 24-hour period. My favourite of all these phrases is, “BECAUSE I SAID SO.” I think this is a perfectly acceptable answer to a child who keeps asking, “But why, Mommy?” In my opinion, children need to learn that not all topics are up for discussion and that they must follow their parents’ directions. While I’m far from an expert, I’ve worked with enough moms and have read enough to know that doing what “the experts” say is “right” doesn’t always work for every mom. To me this means it’s time to find a new expert!
Cheers,
Andrea Page
