Prenatal Depression
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Prenatal depression, according to varying research, affects about 15-20% of expecting moms. This is a significantly higher number (25-50% more) than the number of postpartum women who experience postpartum depression. Yet many people and even caregivers are not aware of it or trained to properly identify and treat this problem. In fact, as in my case, many women who experience pregnancy depression are unaware that the symptoms are being triggered by the pregnancy and that it can be treated.
When I began experiencing feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and rage followed by lethargy in my second pregnancy, it didn’t even dawn on me that I had a pregnancy-induced condition. Despite being very experienced in the field of prenatal and postnatal wellness, I had not heard of this. Having experienced severe postpartum depression with my first child, no one ever mentioned my increased risk for pregnancy depression or that pregnancy depression even exists.
I found out about the condition by doing my own research online. Once I became aware of the condition, I called a local agency to get help. However, they took three weeks to call me back which left me dealing with it for quite a while on my own.
We still have much to learn about depression in the childbearing years. In the meantime, we all have to do a better job of getting informed about the symptoms and being prepared to support women in our communities.
Four key things that can help improve outcomes are:
• Regular exercise
• Proper nutrition (including keeping an optimal amount of essential fatty acids in your diet)
• Sleep
• Support
If you have concerns about prenatal depression call your doctor and ask for help.
Take great care of you,
Andrea Page
10 Ways to Create a More Loving World
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1. Talk to strangers everyday. Make it a habit.
2. Take the time to help people always.
3. Ignore “jerks.” Remember that it is a label given to people who are acting out due to being hurt, angry, or scared. This label permits us to look at them instead of ourselves. It keeps us comfortable!
4. Do loving things for people who have acted hurtful. This reminds you that you can love no matter what and it reminds them that they are worth loving no matter what.
5. Volunteer.
6. Engage in random acts of kindness.
7. Don’t fear things in the world that make you uncomfortable or sad. Observe them, watch them, read them, and feel what you feel. Having the courage to face the struggles of others when you could simply ignore them makes you the loving, compassionate person you deserve to be.
8. Make room for lonely people in your life.
9. Laugh at your mistakes always—not just sometimes.
10. Love yourself deeply with no excuses. Making it a priority will give you what you need to be a mirror image of love to the world.
Recommended reading: Peace Is the Way by Deepak Chopra
Cheers,
Andrea Page
A Business and a Baby
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No one said it would be easy, I think to myself some mornings at 2 a.m. as I’m working away at my computer, catching up on paperwork before baby Isaiah’s next feeding. It’s one of those challenges where ignorance is bliss. Looking back, I couldn’t have prepared for even less sleep than the lack of sleep most new mothers experience. However, there is something to be said for loving what you do and wanting its success that gives you that extra energy just when you need it.
It is hard to be positive all the time, though. Sometimes when I hear new moms talk about all the things they get to do with their babies, I certainly do feel a little envious. It’s at this moment that I do need to stop and remember that quality of time spent with children is most important—not necessarily the amount. I feel that society is very judgmental of the working mom and the stay-at-home mom at the same time. It seems to be a no-win situation.
It’s about BALANCE. And with that in mind, I always say that the moms who don’t get maternity leave must schedule in their down time (or else it won’t happen), delegate without guilt, be prepared to make some mistakes, create social opportunities that meet more then one need (like exercising with your baby), shop for groceries with a friend. Also, don’t do things that other people can do—like clean your house. Even if you don’t have a lot of disposable income, you can justify this expense. If you, the entrepreneur, are cleaning instead of working, then you’re actually losing money!!!
Cheers,
Andrea Page
To Rub or Not Rub the Belly
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During my first pregnancy, I was often taken aback by the amount of belly rubbing that total strangers indulged in. Being randomly accosted with little pats, taps, and full-on rubs is not uncommon for the mom-to-be. Fitmoms may experience this a little more since their bellies will be more distinct in appearance, almost like, “Here I am, a big belly. Please rub me.”
In FITMOM classes over the years, I have heard many discussions about personal belly space and why people think it’s okay to just touch. For many women, however, it is not only very insulting, but a source of anxiety. Others are not offended but get a little perturbed when people don’t ask first.
During my second pregnancy, I was not very tolerant. That was mainly due to my pregnancy-induced depression, which I’ve written about in previous blogs.
My third pregnancy was totally different. I was in a much better head space than the previous two pregnancies. My attitude towards everything was better as a result. When it came to random incidents of belly rubbing, instead of instantly responding with disdain, I actually asked people on the odd occasion, “What do you like about pregnant women’s bellies?”
I observed the joy and excitement in people’s faces when they connected to the life within me. I realized that random belly touching was actually a gift of love from strangers deeply connected for a moment with the miracle of life. As the saying goes, “Change the way you look at the world, and the world you look at changes.”
Take great care,
Andrea Page
And Baby Makes Busy
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While all couples fantasize about and glamorize the arrival of their first born, I think very few are ever really prepared for the challenges that lie ahead. I have seen many couples, even those who receive a great deal of family support, reeling a couple months after their babies’ arrival.
A big part of the challenge, especially for women, is that we expect to do it all. We set unrealistic goals that make us feel like we are not succeeding at anything and failing a lot of things. Don’t be a victim of this vicious cycle of mommy destruction. It will be devastating to your mental and physical health.
The reality is many of us are striving to live the dream and forgetting to live our lives. Be present to the very essence of what life is about. Allow motherhood to slow you down. Smell the roses instead of speeding up because you’ll miss the beauty in it all!
In health,
Andrea Page
The Stay-at-Home-Working-Mom
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There’s a new breed of working mom out there. In fact, you probably know one or two—or you may even be one yourself.
This mom works, but also stays at home with her kids. She works during naps when they are little and during school when they are big. She has an alarm set for an ungodly hour of the morning and is back at it after the kids go to bed. She may work weekends or hire (or beg for) a few hours of help each week for meetings outside the home, but she remains the primary caregiver and holds down a job.
Costs of daycare, shortage of reliable space, and full-time working environments that are increasingly not family-friendly are leading more women to decide to try to juggle both work and care for their children.
Some of the rewards of this decision can be great. Women we work with report loving spending time with their kids, picking them up from school, as well as some financial rewards of saving the huge daycare bill each month.
But there are other costs, too. Many stay-at-home-working-moms we know feel like they don’t ever get a break and also find they have little time to bond with their partners. Most are sleep-deprived and some also report that they don’t get the same respect from friends and colleagues as those who work in an office. It’s also not easy to make these jobs happen. Usually this is a big leap of faith because these women start their own businesses, freelance, work on commission, or work for non-profits, which can go under at any time.
We have some clients who have made this work brilliantly for their families, though. They make money, have an intellectual and creative outlet with work, and enjoy spending the majority of their kids’ days with them. I think this is going to be an even more common role for mom in the 21st century because daycares are so expensive and so full. Regular working hours are often 50 to 60 hours a week, and many employers are not flexible enough with their mom employees. As always, women are innovating and finding another way that can work for them.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Clothes Exchange
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How much money do you think you spend on children’s clothes every year? Probably a lot more than you spend on your own wardrobe. Kids’ clothes seem to be increasingly expensive, but the need for new ones never seems to end.
With three boys, I always have people telling me I’m lucky because I only have to buy one set for the oldest and then hand them down to his younger brothers. If only! If I can get through a month without a rip or a tear or a permanent stain, I’m lucky!
We do recycle a lot of clothes in our house though. It not only saves a ton of money and time shopping, but it also saves the environment because any reduction in consumption is a good thing. As kids get older, they grow more slowly, so they can stay in the same shirt (provided they don’t trash it) for a full year. If you buy big and roll up the sleeves you can save yourself a lot.
Baby clothes are a different story. Kids grow so fast that you constantly feel like your baby has nothing that fits him or her. A lot of our clients set up clothes exchanges with friends. Here’s how it works. Box up your baby clothes in batches from 0-3, 3-6, 6-12, and 12-18 month containers for each gender. Label each item with your initials. Send out an e-mail to friends you know who are expecting, have babies, or who have friends with babies, and then arrange a pick-up time for the box. Soon, you will have much more room in your closets and someone will be returning the favor, giving you stuff their child has grown out of.
If you want the items back to use for a second baby or for your sister who hasn’t had kids yet, make sure you let people know. In our experience people treat these clothes with respect and take good care of them. Expect a few to get stained or torn, but your generosity will come back to you in the savings of hundreds of dollars as full boxes of clothes for your own baby arrive on your doorstep. You are also saving the environment, and thus your child’s planet, by reducing your consumption and the consumption of others.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Childcare Never Carefree
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Finding childcare is one of the biggest challenges moms have to face in North America. In many other cultures, there is no worry—childcare is a family affair. Your mom or grandmother or aunt will pitch in to help if you have to work outside the home. Here, women have their children on waiting lists at top daycares as soon as they get pregnant! Other women work to sponsor help from outside countries, hoping to build a long-term relationship with one specific caregiver. But even if you manage to get into a great daycare, or find a perfect nanny, the challenges abound.
We’ve worked with thousands of women over the years and we’ve only met a handful who found the transition back to work an easy one. They didn’t like to leave their often crying child in a busy centre or with a relative stranger. Most women spent quite a bit of time crying themselves at the beginning!
Once the transition was over and the kids were settled in to their new routines, some of the challenges continued. If their child got sick—which they inevitably do a lot in the first year—they were scrambling to leave work to pick them up and then working late into the evenings to make up for time away.
Women with nannies also had other challenges. Some got the fit right the first time, others did not. Recently, my nanny quit, leaving me running a business and taking care of three boys, desperate for help and with little time to search for, interview and find the right caregiver.
Our experience is that finding, managing, and evaluating childcare largely falls to mom. Poll everyone you know about childcare they like. Put out the call for a nanny through your friends who have nannies they love. Talk to other moms about their experiences to learn some good tips and tricks on how to cope with finding and keeping good childcare.
If your child is suffering during those first few weeks, you are too. Call on a friend who has been there before and don’t be afraid to have your own meltdown. It’s totally normal and in a few months, it will be a distant memory.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
The Naked Ape Party
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I attended a fundraising gala back in January for the David Suzuki Foundation; it was called the Naked Ape Party—with David Suzuki himself in attendance, no less. The theme of the night was getting back to basics and remembering who we really are and what we really need. Without those values in tow, how can we ever save the environment?
David Suzuki explained how we are an organic life form like all the others, taking on our own unique shape. We are in essence part of the earth because in some small way we each have a relationship to every thing on this planet, including the planet itself. As corny as that may sound, listening to David Suzuki explain the science behind it was certainly not.
A number of concerned media personalities and grassroots activists attended the event to do what they do best, which is get us (in this case the converted) to listen and take action. Many expecting moms and moms with babies were also in attendance, which is perhaps something you wouldn’t normally see at any evening gala fundraiser. They (and myself) were all there in the hope that one day we will all unite and get it. The message, which bellowed loud and clear at this event however, is that we are not doing enough and sadly, we are not even close.
The Foundation certainly practiced what they preach in terms of the planning for this event. From using labeled wine glasses (so you only used one) and Bullfrog Powered energy to providing appetizers made with all natural ingredients, everything about the event was green and environmentally friendly.
Singer-songwriter Tara MacLean, also in attendance, sang like an angel as always but then spoke like a ghost from the future with a searing message. As a mom from the year 2050, Tara painted a very clear and startling picture of what life may be like for children decades from now and how their lives will differ so radically from our own.
She spoke of her memories of playing outside when she was a child—how the sun beamed down on her as she played near the water and ran around outside with friends. She shared her sadness that her children have never had such experiences and that they never will. It’s just too dangerous. The air is not safe to breathe and safety is always a concern because those who can’t afford shelter are trying to break into the protected areas. When she sees how bad things are getting, she realizes that maybe it is for the best that her daughters are among a growing number of female children born without ovaries.
Listening to Tara ’s story, which may be a very dismal but realistic possibility for our future, I couldn’t help thinking that we need to reach as many people as possible with this message. No more preaching to the converted and no more living in denial. I urge you to mother and nurture everyone you possibly can away from fear and denial (it comes in many forms) and towards a place of hope through action.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Turn a Kind Eye to Breastfeeding in Public
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When my son was little, I was out with two friends at a coffee shop. I discretely put my son to the breast for a feed. He was a little fussy and so he attracted some attention from other patrons. Their glares instantly made me feel tense. I knew in my head it was ridiculous. I was providing the absolute best nutrition in the most natural possible way for my son, but the disapproving looks and head-shaking made me feel like a criminal. One of my friends who did not have children suggested I bring a cover-up next time to make “everyone feel more comfortable.” Her comment made me feel even worse.
Research consistently points to the hundreds of health, intellectual, and social benefits of breastfeeding for baby. In fact, according to this research, by breastfeeding my child I actually helped those judging people in that coffee shop by lowering the drain on healthcare, creating a potentially smarter child, and reducing environmental waste.
Public campaigns promoting breastfeeding shouldn’t only be targeted at new moms and moms-to-be, but to all members of society so that nursing in public doesn’t make moms feel like they are doing something wrong. If it bothers you to see a mother breastfeeding, try to think of how her choice actually helps your world, and then smile and turn back to your magazine or conversation and leave her in peace.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
