The Power of Clear Communication
Filed Under Holistic Law | Leave a Comment
I like to tell my clients there are 4 ways to communicate:
• You can be PASSIVE,
• You can be PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE,
• You can be AGGRESSIVE, or
• You can be ASSERTIVE.
In my opinion, ONLY ONE WAY WORKS!
Wikipedia defines passive as “the opposite of active.”
We have all met passive people. Initially, they seem quite pleasant, as they agree with practically everything you say. They seem to just go with the flow. However, they also seem to avoid taking responsibility at all cost. They never seem to initiate any action. You never seem to know how they stand on any issue. Nobody wants to hire a passive lawyer. People want someone to represent them who will actively take charge of the situation and lead them to a solution to their legal problems, allowing the client to (sometimes passively) follow the lawyer’s lead.
At first, a lawyer might want to seek out passive clients so they don’t interfere with how the lawyer handles their cases. However, a major problem with passive behavior is that it typically leads to passive-aggressive behavior.
This is what Wikipedia has to say about passive-aggressive behavior:
Passive-aggressive behavior refers to passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following authoritative instructions in interpersonal or occupational situations. It can manifest itself as resentment, stubbornness, procrastination, sullenness, or repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is assumed, often explicitly, to be responsible. It is a defensive mechanism and, more often than not, only partly conscious. . .
The term “passive-aggressive” was first used by the U.S. military during World War II, when military psychiatrists noted the behavior of soldiers who displayed passive resistance and reluctant compliance to orders.
Passive-aggressive behavior can drive you crazy, whether you are dealing with clients or opposing counsel. On the outside a passive-aggressive person appears passive and compliant, but on the inside they seethe with anger and resentment and look for ways, either consciously or unconsciously, to cause harm or pain to those around them, including you. When asked if anything is wrong, the answer is always “no.” You have to engage in a guessing game to determine what their perceived problem is and how they want you to address it. Because they are passive, they never perceive the problem as something that they are responsible for or that they can or should fix. It is always someone else’s responsibility, someone else’s fault. Passive-aggressive people don’t see it as their responsibility to tell you what the problem is or how to fix it, but they will put a lot of energy into blaming you for not seeing the problem and fixing it for them. You can put a huge amount of effort into this guessing game, as the passive-aggressive individual continues to sabotage your efforts to achieve your goals (or even what you believe to be their goals). The result is confusion, wasted energy and frustration.
Wikipedia has this to say about aggression:
In psychology and other social and behavioral sciences, aggression refers to behavior that is intended to cause harm or pain. Aggression can be either physical or verbal, and behavior is classified as aggression even if it does not actually succeed in causing harm or pain. Behavior that accidentally causes harm or pain is not aggression. Property damage and other destructive behavior may also fall under the definition of aggression. Aggression is not the same thing as assertiveness.
Lots of clients come into a law office looking for “aggressive representation” and lots of lawyers are more than happy to give them what they ask for without discussing with them the true cost of that kind of behavior. Typically, lawyers do not engage in behavior intended to cause physical harm or pain, but many lawyers seem to specialize in inflicting verbal harm and pain.
The verbally abusive lawyer is a stereotype in our society. The typical result of this behavior is for the lawyers on the other side to engage in similar tactics, looking for opportunities to inflict harm and pain on the opposing lawyers who initiated this behavior and to inflict harm and pain their clients. The process continues back and forth like a game of tennis.
The problem with this approach is that the parties typically came to their lawyers in the beginning to resolve a legal dispute and this underlying legal dispute is often set aside as the lawyers and their clients focus on new and different ways to cause each other more harm or more pain.
The lawyers think they are happy because they are being paid to do what they do. In reality, the lawyers’ lives are filled with stress and anxiety and a lack of true satisfaction. Over time, the clients increasingly begin to notice the stress and the financial pain that they are experiencing as they pay their lawyers to engage in this expensive tit-for-tat process. The short-term satisfaction that they might have received in seeing harm and pain inflicted on their adversary begins to pale next to the pain that they experience themselves going through the process and paying for the privilege. The vast majority of clients soon tire of the aggression and wish they could find another way to end their dispute.
On the other hand, this is what Wikipedia has to say about assertiveness:
Assertive style of behavior is to express your own feelings in an honest and respectful way that does not insult people and to stand up for your rights while you know what you say is not the only valid truth. Being assertive is to one’s benefit most of the time but it does not mean that one always gets what he/she wants. The result of being assertive is that 1) you feel good about yourself 2) other people know how to deal with you and there is nothing vague about dealing with you.
My experience in the practice of law has been that being assertive, rather than passive, passive-aggressive, or aggressive, produces a far superior end result for my clients at a far lower cost to them, both emotionally and financially. It also results in a much more pleasant process for me. To me, being assertive means to be clear about my expectations from others and about what I am willing to do and what I am not willing to do for others. It also means that I am clear about the boundaries of behavior I am prepared to tolerate from others, while continuing the relationship I have with them. It works with clients, and it works with opposing counsel.
I like to tell my clients that there are 6 billion people on this planet, and I don’t have time to deal with all of them. I like to spend time with people who really like me and appreciate me for who I am and what I do. It also helps if they are excited about life and they stimulate me and challenge me with new ideas on how to make this planet a better place to live. I choose to deal with people who are pleasant, responsible, responsive, and honest. If someone doesn’t fit that description, then I quickly and quietly ease them out of my life. They become part of the 6 billion people I don’t have time to deal with. That, in my opinion, is being assertive, and it works for me. What works for you?
Philip J. Daunt, Esq.
How to Manifest the Best Solutions
Filed Under Law of Attraction | Leave a Comment
I was looking at my options yesterday morning. I was trying to figure out (prior to a meeting) whether I was going to be silent and listen for now, or whether making insightful comments would be my path of least resistance. Frankly, neither option felt really good, so I knew that I needed to wait for the solution to arrive. Lo and behold, the Universe sent me a meeting that was conversational, rather than lecture-like.
Did you know that you have options that your imagination does not have access to? You see, when you don’t like your perceived options, simply ask for another, and trust it will appear. If you think all decisions are between two things, think again. If neither option feels good, then it is time to request a better feeling option, and put all of your attention on that possibility.
Here’s what I say when I am looking at decisions: “I would like to experience the juiciest solution between Option A or Option B–and if there is something even better, surprise me!” (P.S. I like the surprises! The Universe lines up great ones).
Jennifer Hough
How Green is Your Laundry Detergent?
Filed Under Naturopathy | Leave a Comment
It’s in your bathroom right now. No one is immune from it, and it is something most of us hate to deal with. What is it? It’s the laundry. The fact is, we don’t often think about the kind of laundry aids we use, as the basic assumption is that they all clean the same way.
For the most part, all laundry detergents work in the same way. However, I have found that some detergents are actually too strong and contain chemicals that have given me hives and irritated my son’s eczema. So for me, my biggest concern has to do with the residual chemicals that remain on the clothing after the wash. For this reason I run all my clothing through two rinse cycles and I buy green.
So what makes your detergent green? To be classified as green or a healthier alternative to their chemical-laden counterparts, the detergent must be: dye-free, not contain chemical scents, utilize oxygen-bleach or baking soda (instead of chlorine bleach), contain plant or soybean oil (instead of animal-fat products), and instead of petroleum-based surfactants plant-based soaps are used. You can also find environmentally friendly fabric softeners and stain removers.
Surprisingly, the green alternative detergents are not more expensive than the major brands found in the grocery store. And there are many brands to choose from. Remember: your clothing is the closest thing next to your skin. Oftentimes, skin allergies can easily be traced to laundry detergents, fabric softeners, and soaps. Both my son’s eczema and my hives have dramatically improved since changing our laundry aids and adding a second rinse cycle to the laundry.
So before you start popping Benadryl and spending money on allergy testing and dermatology appointments, look to your laundry aids. A simple change in product could save you hundreds in medical expenses.
Dr. Mundorff
Age-Defying Workouts
Filed Under Natural Athlete | Leave a Comment
To me, age is a statistic, not a burden. I am a world-class master professional bodybuilder. I train “natural”—that is, I do not use any illegal muscle enhancers that promote growth by chemistry. I do it the good old fashion way, with hard work.
I offer myself as an example that you can get into and maintain the best shape of your life at any age. I have competed in 26 bodybuilding competitions and won 42 titles. It’s always my goal to be in the best shape of my life each time I step onto a stage. So far, I have.
Most people know very little about the sport of competitive bodybuilding. They have to learn the posing, the science of diet and exercise, and how to peak at the right time
The sport is my mentor. There is a lot of available information for anyone who wants to do this. Talking to other competitors and the experience of the shows helped me out tremendously. I enjoy the science of the sport and working out.
My body is my equipment. I don’t need a ball or club to be involved. My goal for each show is to be in better shape than the last show. I train hard and I train smart. I work out 90 minutes a day, Monday through Friday. My training is intense and varied. I train two body parts a day and usually add cardio and abs work. As I prepare for a contest, my training is intensified and I add posing practice several times a week. I have a set contest week training schedule and diet that brings me to the stage in peak condition.
At 64, I have not always been the oldest competitor to walk out on stage. At the 2005 NPC Southeastern Gold’s Gym Classic in Gadsden, Alabama, there was a 70-year-old Warrior who had been competing for about 30 years. Backstage, before our contest, I helped him get ready and when we went on stage, I stood next to him, because he couldn’t hear too well. I told him which pose to do and he did it. He placed last in the Class, but received a warm welcome from the audience, judges, and his fellow competitors. The promoter named him honorary “Mr. Gadsden” that night. I won three trophies at that show, 3rd in Bantam Weight, 2nd in Men’s Master 50+, and 1st in Men’s Master 60+.
Scott “Old Navy” Hults
It’s Never Too Late to Start
Filed Under Natural Athlete | Leave a Comment
I began training for my first bodybuilding competition in May of 2004. I was 61 years old and had retired the previous year as a Captain in the US Navy. As a naval officer I always tried to stay fit. From the time I was 50, I visited the gym at least five days a week. After my retirement, I continued to work out at least five days a week and maintain a modest diet that kept me in shape.
One day, I was having a cup of coffee with my wife and she said, “Scott, you look pretty good, even better than some of the younger guys at the gym. Have you ever thought about competing, doing a bodybuilding contest?” She continued, “Why don’t you give it a try, it might be fun?” So, without too much urging, I jumped at her suggestion.
I trained for 10 months to enter my first contest. And, oh, what a contest I picked. I entered the 2005 NPC Northern Kentucky Bodybuilding and Figure Championships in Covington, Kentucky. This is one of the largest regional shows in the United States, drawing more than 260 competitors. It’s a non-tested show, which means they don’t test the athletes for steroids so there were a lot of “big” men in this competition.
I entered the Open Bantam Weight Class and the Men’s Masters 50+ Class because they didn’t have a Men’s Masters 60+ class. Out of six Bantam Weights, I placed 6th. Out of 11 Men’s Master 50+ contestants, I placed 10th.
I had the time of my life. I remember walking down the corridor at the airport to catch my plane home wearing my competitor T-shirt. I had a grin on my face. I said to myself, “I am a bodybuilder. I did it!” I did what very few people of any age ever do—that is, train for and enter a bodybuilding competition. What fun.
After my experience at the non-tested Kentucky show, three weeks later, I entered a drug-tested contest in Georgia, the 2005 SNBF Georgia Open. I placed 3rd in the Men’s Novice Class, 3rd in the Open Men’s Short (height) Class and I won the Men’s Master 60+ Class, my first victory. Now, that’s more like it. I was elated. I worked hard for this and when I put it all on the line and was successful, it felt pretty good. I was hooked.
Scott “Old Navy” Hults
The Natural Athlete
Filed Under Natural Athlete | 4 Comments
My name is Scott “Old Navy” Hults. I am a retired US Navy Captain. I am also a natural pro athlete in a sport that, for the most part, is not natural.
I am a professional bodybuilder.
Bodybuilding, like major league baseball and several other pro sports, is going through the painful process of self-examination to determine how steroid use has affected an athlete’s performance. It’s not a pretty picture.
The major amateur bodybuilding organization, the National Physique Committee, NPC, does not condone the use of illegal performance-enhancing drugs, but neither does it test its athletes who are preparing to compete in NPC competitions.
The professional organization that accepts NPC athletes who have won their pro status at regional and national amateur competitions is the IFBB, International Federation of Bodybuilders. The IFBB runs the Arnold Classic and The Olympia Championships every year, featuring huge steroid-using athletes, to the delight of audiences that marvel at the size and amount of muscle these big men and women bring to the stage. The description, “freak,” is a badge of honor to these warriors.
The good news:
There is a quiet revolution going on in the world of bodybuilding, called Natural Federations.
During the past twenty years, several drug-free bodybuilding organizations have sprung up that offer tested competitions, which allow men and women bodybuilders and fitness competitors and women figure competitors to compete on a level playing field against like-minded drug-free athletes.
One of the leading organizations in this field is the World Natural Sports Organization (WNSO), which runs competitions in the United States, Canada, the UK, and other counties around the world. The shows, called FAME events, test their athletes before each competition and also give random drug tests to their athletes in the off season.
I am a “Proud FAME Athlete,” which is lettered on my FAME T-shirt. I have competed in seven FAME competitions and am the 2006 FAME Grand Master World Champion. After turning pro in this organization, I entered my first FAME pro show last November in Miami, Florida and am the 2007 FAME North American Grand Master Pro Champion. My next FAME event is the 2008 FAME World Championships in Toronto on June 14, where I will compete in the Grand Master Pro Class.
My goal here is to share my training and diet secrets as I train as a Natural Athlete for my upcoming competitions. I welcome your comments and suggestions.
I guess I should tell you one more thing: I will be 65 years-old in three months.
Scott “Old Navy” Hults
What’s Right for You May Not Be Right for Anyone Else
Filed Under Law of Attraction | Leave a Comment
I am reminded today of one of my favorite friends, Ron. He has a saying that goes something like this: “You have a right to my opinion.” He is a real comic; I just love his sense of humor. Up until recently his saying was said at least half seriously. Fortunately, since taking the Get Out of Your Own Way™ course, it is said completely jokingly, of course.
Does your opinion really matter? Of course it matters… to you and occassionally, by cosmic intervention, to someone else. It is like your heart, or your feelings on any subject are God’s microphone speaking to you. If something feels right to you, it is right for you. It’s just that something else may feel completely true for someone else. Based on your unique circumstances, you have developed a set of beliefs; your beliefs will make something true for you, that may not be right for another.
Know that your internal guidance is not meant to be superimposed on anyone else… it is meant to be honored by you alone. Lose the need for validation. How about finding peace in the knowledge that others are right for themselves and you are right for you! And for you to know you are right, you don’t need anyone else to agree with you. Just the feeling of peace about your perspective is good enough.
You can be right or be happy… so choose!
Jennifer Hough
Biceps, a Baby, and a Budget
Filed Under Fitmom Wellness | Leave a Comment
Fiscal fitness is not only possible but necessary. Gone are the days of putting your wellness on the back burner due to lack of finances.
Joining a gym is far from the only way to get in shape, so here are some tips for getting fit on a budget.
1. If you don’t know where to start, hire a personal trainer for only one or two sessions to review form and technique. Also, try sharing the expense with a friend, as many trainers will offer semi-private sessions.
2. Cut out the “HOLE” food and top-list your “SOUL” food. Many moms get caught up watching the boob tube while breastfeeding (no pun intended). Aside from it taking up much of your now extra-precious time, it is much easier to get sucked into commercial impulse buying the more we watch TV.
3. Join a group. Many cities offer a range of low-to-high-cost wellness and exercise program options. It’s also a great way to meet other health-conscious moms in your area.
4. Take up running with a baby jogger. Running is perhaps the most accessible and affordable exercise regime because you can do it anywhere.
5. Research some low-cost online options. FITMOM, for instance, provides a variety of e-books and DVDs that can be purchased online to help rural moms or moms on a budget access our programming.
6. Fitness for moms is often not only a money issue but a time issue. Think about making the most of your workouts by increasing the intensity of the exercises and staying focused, even if it’s for 20-30 minutes.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Everyday Heroes
Filed Under Entrepreneurs with a Conscience | Leave a Comment
Heroism is an important ingredient in the recipe of life, for bringing greater purpose and lifelong fulfillment. We often read about and/or even witness acts of heroism in our lifetime, but there are so many heroes in this world, it’s a shame we can’t make them all known. Could you imagine one hourly newscast that was strictly about the stories of heroes rather than the grim news we hear about everyday? What an uplifting (and inspiring) message that would bring to the world.
But being heroic doesn’t mean you have to be strong, knowledgable, or famous; it’s about making a difference while you’re here on this Earth. Even if it means making a difference in your own life, in your children’s lives, in your friends’ lives. Whether you’re running into a burning building, conducting heart surgery, helping a child read, or being a shoulder to cry on, these are all acts of a hero.
So today and forever, I want to thank all heros (big and small) for making a difference in our world.
~Amanda~
Turn a Kind Eye to Breastfeeding in Public
Filed Under Mom Talk | Leave a Comment
When my son was little, I was out with two friends at a coffee shop. I discretely put my son to the breast for a feed. He was a little fussy and so he attracted some attention from other patrons. Their glares instantly made me feel tense. I knew in my head it was ridiculous. I was providing the absolute best nutrition in the most natural possible way for my son, but the disapproving looks and head-shaking made me feel like a criminal. One of my friends who did not have children suggested I bring a cover-up next time to make “everyone feel more comfortable.” Her comment made me feel even worse.
Research consistently points to the hundreds of health, intellectual, and social benefits of breastfeeding for baby. In fact, according to this research, by breastfeeding my child I actually helped those judging people in that coffee shop by lowering the drain on healthcare, creating a potentially smarter child, and reducing environmental waste.
Public campaigns promoting breastfeeding shouldn’t only be targeted at new moms and moms-to-be, but to all members of society so that nursing in public doesn’t make moms feel like they are doing something wrong. If it bothers you to see a mother breastfeeding, try to think of how her choice actually helps your world, and then smile and turn back to your magazine or conversation and leave her in peace.
Cheers,
Andrea Page
