Postpartum Depression and Community
Filed Under Mom Talk |
I am passionate about writing and speaking about postpartum depression, and I believe the underbelly of this issue is still not widely acknowledged. In my opinion, this underbelly is predominantly lack of community and support. I am happy to share insight based on my own experiences with this issue. During the holiday season, the pressure and expectations may distract us even more from the things that truly matter. I hope everyone gets the gift of slowing down and reflecting on what is really important.
Motherhood Inspiring Initiative: Lack of Community Can Be Life-Threatening
by Andrea PageIn the paper this week was yet another sad tale of a mother who lost her will to keep struggling; she attempted to kill herself and successfully drowned her children (2 years and 2 months). I know many of you may have the reaction: “I can’t hear any more!” Some may be consumed by the thought of the pain her children or even she went through, and lose sleep tonight. As most of you know I keep my heart wide open when I hear these stories. Yes, I do lose sleep and feel angry and frustrated. I waiver between anger towards the mother and the world around her who missed the events that led up to this moment. Who do we blame? Who do we hold accountable? I think many people know that she needed more support, but ultimately we generally go back to the personal responsibility philosophy of “she made her choices.” Who is really doing the choosing for this woman, and when is this choice truly happening? Let me explain.
About three months ago, when I was struggling with a colicky baby and work, I felt nervous that I could be heading for depression yet again. Knowing my history, I did some stuff:
I tried my hardest to nap during the day (sleep deprivation linked to postpartum depression… go figure).
I looked at my rushed postpartum diet, tried to change it and made sure I was taking my essential fatty acids.
Of course I was exercising.
I also picked up a book I have read numerous times, called Deadly Depression. It is about postpartum depression.
Leni, my children’s caregiver and my great friend, had seen the book lying around and one day she asked me about it. So I explained the book and more about my own experiences with postpartum depression. She was baffled. She said to me that she has heard of this but never in the Philippines, where she is from. I suggested that maybe people just don’t talk about it there. She said no way. In the Philippines when you have a baby, rich or poor, your community rallies around you. You don’t get out of bed for 30 days. People take care of you, and like in the old African proverb, the village raises the child. This is not to say that there are not problems or struggles. But what Leni stood firm on was that when a woman became a mother, she was not alone – no matter what.
So what I think when I read these stories and think of my own, is how we as North Americans have chosen a life of aloneness, which does us a great disservice. We are intolerant of one another; need more and more space; find it harder to live together; need bigger houses. We try to acknowledge our privilege. Sometimes I question whether having a big house hundreds of miles away from our family is privilege. In the pursuit of more, we seem to have less of what matters. It is a vicious cycle for the “have nots” who are driven to madness by messages of “Get more! Have more and then be happy!” while they are often in the midst of losing everything really important.
Regardless, motherhood should not be a solo journey. We all know how challenging it can be, even with all of our so-called ducks in a row. This week ask yourself and the women around you to try even harder to work together to build a community of love and support – not just for each other but even for mothers they don’t know. Ask them to consider and honor the work they put into mothering and caring for themselves. Ponder together what it would be like without any money for food, no partner or friend to pass the baby off to. Imagine a baby that never stops crying, an eviction notice, no diapers and no way out.
Encourage yourself and other women to redefine community daily. Make your grouping of mothers about honesty, about our humanness… instead of a “whose baby is doing what” session. Encourage reaching out to another mom who’s struggling and maybe even, some might say, “doing things wrong”. Offer a helping hand instead of standing in silent judgment.
Like any issue that has us step out of our protective bubble, this is sensitive stuff. I thank you for reading, sharing and trying. Feel free to use my story or share other stories, including your own, to open up lines of communication. A final thought keeps standing out: In the pursuit of more we have less of what matters.
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How Can You Help Create Community?
Share. Your story or someone else’s (with permission) can help a lot. Also share your things. We often hold on to things, thinking we might need them. If you are not using it, give it away to someone who needs it now. When you need it again it WILL come back to you – someway, somehow.
Observe. Be aware of yourself and others. Ask for help or offer it.
Reach out. Same as above, but be specific. Do you know a single mom? Do you have a friend who may need help? Offer to babysit or cook a meal for a mommy friend.
Mentor. We often think we have nothing to offer. There are many groups in the city that support moms in need.
Congregate on important issues. Put your mommy group into action. While you enjoy your weekly coffee, find a collective way to inspire community beyond the limitations of those lucky enough to be in your group. Volunteer together, do monthly food drives, sponsor a family. The list goes on.
Simplify your life and prioritize activities that are purpose-driven. This one is often the most difficult because we can justify almost anything. Create a mission statement that defines your life ideals. Then you can evaluate which practices support this mission and which do not. In the spirit of community we realize we have so much to offer when we stop filling our days with the unnecessary stuff.
Postpartum depression resources
In the U.S. and Canada, call toll-free: 1-866-363-MOOD (6663)
Cheers,
Andrea Page
Comments
2 Comments so far
Hi the comment is amazing.
I will definitely read your diary..
See ya
Hi there
Thanks glad you like my insight on my own experience with PPD..
Its a very overlooked issue still
Andrea